Do you ever feel uncomfortable when receiving gifts? I do, every Christmas and birthday! This year, I have been more aware of my thoughts and how they impact me. When we have negative thoughts, it impacts the brain. The basal ganglia activates, and I feel that internal angst. As Christmas approaches, I already sense the dread coming on and anxiety starting to build around receiving gifts from others.

I started to reflect on this feeling and tried to understand why this was. Shouldn't I be happy and joyful to receive? I love to give. What is it about receiving that makes me uneasy? As I am practicing coaching skills, I am learning to ask questions. I asked myself some questions to really get to the root. 

• What about receiving makes me uncomfortable?
• Do I feel undeserving of the gift?
• I am highly motivated at work and do not mind a paycheck, maybe gifts seem unearned?
• We grew up happy but frugal. Maybe this frugality is engraved in my brain. Do I feel guilty on the money spent by the other person?
• Do I now feel obligated to give a gift in return? 
• Am I not confident I have a good gift to give?
• Am I worried about the giver's expectations?
• Do I feel guilty because the act of giving is an activity of connection and maybe I do not feel connected?

Honestly, I think many, if not all of these, are true for me at times. Now what? How do we get past this? One of the most exciting things that I learned from Dr. Amen is that there is a way to not let these thoughts control us. After all, these thoughts are not facts, and they are created by us! Once we are aware of them, we can understand them then reframe them, so we are not as impacted.

Dr. Amen teaches a method for killing these automatic negative thoughts (ANTs). When I look at the list of questions above, there is a thought that is generated by each one. For example, "Do I feel undeserving of the gift?" has an associated thought "I do not deserve this gift".

Below are the steps to "kill" this ANT:

1.  Identify the negative thought.
   • I do not deserve this gift. 
2. Identify the type of ANT
   • Self-critical ANT
3. Is this ANT true?
   • No, I suppose gifts are not meant to be deserved so the thought itself is flawed. That is not the point of gifts.
4. How does this thought make me feel?
   • Sad, guilty, undeserving
5. How do I feel without this thought?
   • Elated, thankful, appreciative
6. Reframe the ANT 
   • Gifts are a way for someone to show love and appreciation. I can accept it with gratitude.

ANT killing is a skill and repetition is key! Keep these steps in your back pocket, not just for this gift receiving scenario but for any negative thought. Most negative thoughts are not true, and they steal our happiness. Practice this and see how it works for you. Then, share with others! Life is too short to let negative thoughts live in us. 

 Take care and love your brain, 

Jenny Gregory

Dr. Amen Licensed Brain Health Trainer